You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Randomize
