I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
