I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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