Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
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