My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
