carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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