Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
