i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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