That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I think my moral compass just broke
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
