you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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