oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
drinking out of a sandbucket again
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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