At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
