A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
