You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
