yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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