We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
