Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize