Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize