This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
