"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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