This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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