I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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