Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
