just come out here and I will go home with you...
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
