i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
