hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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