I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
