I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize