It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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