I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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