i think my tv is drunk
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I just want to make out with him forever
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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