i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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