can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
only if we run a train.
done.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
