She's JV to your varsity
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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