So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize