you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
