The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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