Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
