After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
