end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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