I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
