Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
