I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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