Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
