Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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