I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
