We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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