Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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