You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
