My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
