the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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