i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
