I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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