therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
