sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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