i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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