At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
