WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
