i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Randomize
