I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
