I bet he comes in French.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
