i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
