is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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