If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize