I want to make a zoo with you.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
