she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
