New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize