You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
