I think scott just propositioned me for sex
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
