I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
