so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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