I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Couch. On fire.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
