and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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