i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
