i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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