Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
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