if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
