you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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