Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
