Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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