I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize