Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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