friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
