Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I woke up under a house in Key West
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