you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
