so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
