Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
