I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
