that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just found puke in my bra..
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize