We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
