I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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