Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
