If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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