God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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