I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
