i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize