Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
