do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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