i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
