areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
