not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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