theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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